Different Strokes for Different Folks

I spent most of this past weekend at a wrestling tournament.  Blake (9 years old) and Lance (5 years old) are first year wrestlers.  Wrestling is not for the weak of heart and some would argue it is tougher on the Mom's than it is on the wrestler's.  As they say, the only thing tougher than a wrestler is his Mom...

It was a double elimination tournament so once you lose twice, your day is over.  Blake was very excited and nervous at the same time.  He had his eye on the prize:  a trophy.  Blake was going through the scenarios in his head:  If he won his first match and then won his second match, he would be wrestling for 1st and 2nd place.  He was practicing and warming up well in advance of his match.  He was ready.

Lance wasn't nervous.  He was bouncing back and forth from the snack stand to the gym blissfully unaware of when he had to wrestle next.  He was happy to be hanging with his friends, playing his DSi and eating a fruit roll up.  Sure, a trophy would be nice but those Reese's peanut butter cups after the tournament would be so much better...

Lance lost his first match, 11-2.  He worked hard and held his own and never gave up despite being outscored each period.  When the match was over, he didn't say much other than he wanted a snack.  Really, Lance?  You just lost and you want a snack??

Blake's first match was exciting.  It was a great match and after three periods, it was tied 2-2.  It was a very physical match.  Blake was more the aggressor and that eventually led to his loss in overtime, 4-2.  After the match, Blake's demeanor changed.  He was mad at himself for losing and felt he should have had the match.  He saw his chances at the trophy slipping away.  We gave him encouragement and praised him for what really was an excellent performance.  He just wasn't buying it and remained in a bad mood until his next match.

Lance's next match was closer in score with him ultimately losing, 4-2.  After the match he asked, "Am I done yet?  Can I get a snack?"  Meanwhile, I am getting so frustrated.  Why doesn't Lance care?  Combined we are now 0-3 and Blake is in a bad mood because he lost and he has another match to go.  I am not spending an ENTIRE day in a small gym to lose!!  Long story short - Blake lost his next match.  He was pinned.  He was not at his best and he knew it but he did not give up.  He fought every step of the way but he was not a happy camper.  We were 0-4 for the day.  I am a competitive person and I was not happy at all but I kept it inside so the boys would not see my disappointment.

The ride home was rough.  All of Lance's friends got trophies and were playing with them as we were walking out.  I could see the disappointment in the faces of both Blake and Lance.  I stewed inside wondering what I should be doing differently as a parent:  should I make them practice more?  Should I give them more pep talks?  Should I not enter them in tournaments?  What was I doing wrong?

Later that night, we were doing our "highs and lows" over dinner.  I was sure they would not have anything to say for "highs" and would inundate us with "lows".  Imagine our surprise when Blake said his high was "how well I wrestled today at my first tournament" and Lance said, "I did not get pinned once and I was able to practice wrist control".   Imagine that.  Even though we were 0-4 and my boys did not win a trophy, they realized that there is something to be learned and appreciated in those failed efforts.  

So, what leadership lessons did I take away from a wrestling tournament?

LIFE'S LITTLE LEADERSHIP LESSONS

1. Leaders need to understand that people are different.  In approaching this wrestling tournament, Lance and Blake saw it completely differently.   They prepared differently.  They were motivated by different things.  They responded to losing in different ways.  Understand to appreciate those differences and don't judge them if they are different than what you would expect.
2. Leaders need to understand that sometimes it is not about the destination but rather the journey.  They did not win the trophy but through this process, they built character that will serve them a lifetime.  A trophy will collect dust, be forgotten and eventually be discarded.  I will take character over a trophy any day.
3. As a leader, it is often NOT about you.  So, get over yourself.  I wanted my boys to win because maybe that would have made me feel really good and proud (because I am a competitive person after all).  This is about them, their experiences and their emotions.  Respect that, take a step back and they may just surprise you.